Monday, September 19, 2011

Home sweet home...

Sunday, Sept.18, 2011

Ahhh...Finished the show last night (incidentally in one of the most picturesque settings I have ever played), got a good night's sleep on the bus, and spent the majority of my day in the air flying home.

Commercial air travel is exhausting for it probably is for everyone. I can take a trans-Atlantic flight, or a twenty-seven minute business commuter flight and the result is exactly the same for me...I feel like I've been forced to be awake for several days with no sleep, and I feel as if I have been run over by a steamroller...twice.

Today's journey was no different.

I did find out that because I have never "cashed in" my frequent flyer miles, Delta decided to "upgrade" me to Silver Medallion Status, which, according to my calculations, doesn't get me shit except for free checked bags. My new "status" doesn't allow me to board the plane any earlier, which would never factor into the equation anyway because I usually wait until most everyone has boarded to even get in line with my boarding pass. My new "status" doesn't get me into the fancy lounges...or at least, I don't think it does...however, I'm never in an airport any longer than is necessary anyway. If I were to be in an airport for an unusually long amount of time during a lay-over, I wouldn't need to go in to those lounges anyway because I don't drink, and I don't require the use of a business kiosk (Incidentally, I would have no problem finding the local airport pub if I did want to imbibe before flying!). So what exactly does this new status get me?...I guess I will have to wait to read the "complimentary upgrade materials" that are apparently on their way via the U.S. Mail. Getting to check a bag or two for free is pretty cool...I'm a cheap bastard and always enjoy being able to save a few bucks.

Still, I can't help feeling ripped off in a way. I didn't request the upgrade. They gave it to me automatically. And what if it affects my unused miles? Perhaps I was saving up to take myself and my gorgeous wife on a weekend trip to Tahiti or Prague...what if their "complimentary upgrade" just threw a big monkey-wrench into my future vacation plans? I'm not complaining mind you...just perplexed by the idea that one's "status" can be upgraded without knowledge or consent.
I have digressed...

The first of my two flights today possessed some comedic value...after all passengers had boarded and settled in, it became clearly apparent that just a few rows behind me was a rather loud and boisterous man who was enjoying the prospect of making a new friend during the flight. His voice rang out across the cabin for almost all to hear. Either this jackhole was really lonely, or he really tries hard to make new friends everywhere he goes. I personally am of the opinion that he might have just recently been rescued from a uncharted island where his only form of enjoyable conversation was with the rotting dead carcass of a long dead manatee. If this guy had been sitting next to me, chatting nine million miles an hour, I would have promptly pulled out my headphones and put them on as to give the illusion that I was listening intently to anything but him. Clearly the lady sitting next to him was not as savvy a traveller. Or perhaps she just got off an island herself. So this guy's gums get to flappin' and he's talking up a storm, and his new friend was clearly being polite and was entertaining the conversation by replying every few seconds in a most monotonic way with, "yeah...yeah...yeah...". It didn't take long to realize that this lady was as interested in what this dude was saying as an ex-con is in being shipped back to prison. I quickly became bored with eavesdropping and nodded off once we reached ten thousand feet.

Later when I awoke from my less-than-restful, neck-wrenching nap, I heard "Captain Chatty" and his faithful and monotonic sidekick, "Miss Affirmative", still going at it. Only the boisterousness had gained several decibels of volume as well as the monotonic responses, which had changed from "Yeah..." to "Right...right...right...okay...right..."
I looked over to my right at the nice older lady sitting beside me (who incidentally looked as sweet as could be...the kind of person who would never say a cross word...ever) and inquired if they had been like that for the entire flight, to which she quietly and calmly asked, "You don't happen to have any duct tape do you?"
" Why?"
"Because I really need to tape that m*****-f*****'s mouth shut!"
I almost peed myself.

After it was all said and done, and I had touched down at my final destination, I exited the plane, went down to baggage claim, realized it would be a few minutes, went outside to have a smoke, went back inside to fetch the bag(which was checked for free!), and then went to stand on the curb to wait for my wife who was on her way to pick me up.

Have I mentioned that I have the most wonderful wife in the world?(I jealous!) She never hesitates to come pick me up at the airport...or drop me off for that matter. After a short wait, there she was...waving cutely and smiling joyfully as she stopped to pick me up and take me back to my wonderful place of refuge and recharging. In spite of it not being made of ice and crystals, my house is the Fortress of Solitude. (I realized just as I typed that, it must be noted that my home often times possesses very little solitude as well as isn't very fortress-like.)

Late dinner drive-thru style on the way home. A short squat in a chair on the back porch...catching up on what I've missed while being away. Time to put the bags away...

It is here that I find myself standing in the bedroom, not knowing whether to laugh, cry, or just simply say "Awwwe!", though somehow I manage to do a little of all three at the same time. I looked down at our bed and notice that my amazing wife, who possesses more strength and fortitude than anyone I've ever known, had constructed some type of pillow fort to snuggle up to during my absence. I think it's safe to say that she missed me.

She never ceases to take my breath away and make my heart skip a beat!

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