Thursday, September 15, 2011

the breaking heart

Yep...I've been duped again. Lied to after I so blindly trusted with my heart when my brain was telling me different.

The really twisted part is that I know I wasn't lied to on purpose. I actually wasn't really lied to. Maybe I was. I don't really know. There was certainly the inference that mistruths and misrepresentations were being given to me rather than the actual truth. And when I say I wasn't lied to on purpose, I mean to say that it wasn't the person, or the circumstances, it was what some would call a character flaw(and the fear of being judged for it) that was the driving force behind it all. I'm heartbroken because I know that deep down inside, there is heartfelt regret over the whole situation from the other side. It wasn't intentional, even if it was the result of not doing or saying the right thing due to fear of being judged. I'm heartbroken because I know I can't change the fundamental root of the problem, no matter how badly I wish I could(it's not my battle to fight). I'm heartbroken because the person misrepresenting the whole truth is someone whom I know(or at the very least, I greatly wish) would always be straight shooter, no matter how difficult the actual truth may always be. heart is breaking. No stopping it. It simply has to happen under the circumstances. All I can do is buckle up for the bumpy ride and weather the storm.

(If you've read my earlier entry about "oncoming trucks"...same person. However, perhaps in this instance, I was the one who was too stupid to step out of the existential flow of oncoming traffic.)

BTW...the person I'm so vaguely referring to in this entry is not my wife. Just wanted to clear that up in case you might be wondering.

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